Perhaps I’m getting too old for such ‘fowlness’….
Granted, for home viewing (due to the COVID 19 Pandemic, the feature is bypassing an expected theatrical run and now streaming direct to Disney +), Disney’s ‘Artemis Fowl’ is as big as big-budget fare goes; a lively collection of fantasy, mystery, fairies, dwarfs – you name it. It’s SO ambitious in in its grandness, in fact, that it’s tough to tell exactly what’s going on here. And thus, my issue with ‘Artemis Fowl’.
To be fair, I’ve never read Eoin Colfer’s much acclaimed 2001 children’s book……okay, to be 100% honest, I’d never HEARD of the book until now. Apparently, it’s rather good. But something got lost in translation to film, which likely explains why the project was wedged in pre-production muck for close to two decades; no one could quite figure out how to give the story a coherent cinematic presentation. And after seeing it, I believe the answer is still to be determined.
Set on the coast of Ireland, ‘Artemis Fowl’ introduces us to Artemis Fowl Sr. (Colin Farrell), a wealthy arts and antiques dealer who has gone missing and is believed to be responsible for the theft of a number of priceless relics. His genius 12 year-old son Artemis Jr. (Ferdia Shaw), who has already mastered biotechnology, has to put his smarts to the test to save his dad. In order to do so, he needs to track down the Aculos, one of the most powerful weapons in Haven City, the hush-hush underground home of to mythical creatures.
…you still with me?
Involved in the abundance of leprechauns, trolls, centaurs, goblins, etc., is officer Holly Short (Lara McDonnell), a fairy, and Mulch Diggums (Josh Gad), a ‘giant dwarf’ (which I’m still trying to wrap my head around), who assists young Artemis in his quest. Gad doubles as the story’s narrator, recounting the events while under custody, and he is indeed one of the most engaging vocal talents working today – although I have to question director Kenneth Branagh’s decision to have his star deliver his lines with a combination of what sounds like Batman’s rasp and Olaf gargling with gravel.
But that’s far from Branagh’s only plate to juggle with ‘Artemis Fowl’, a choppy, sometimes visually stunning film that does have its sweet spots and, no doubt, has good intentions in branching out to become a franchise. And maybe once the information overload of unpacking such a loaded, layered yarn will make things easier the next time out a little more manageable. ‘Cause the maiden voyage for Artemis is, unfortunately, a messy one.
